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Why is being a people pleaser keeping you unhappy?

Why am I always seeking validation? Why don’t people like me? How can I stop being a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who tries hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away from them. People pleasers often act out of insecurity and a lack of self-esteem.They will do anything to avoid conflict. Whilst people pleasing might seem to be a good characteristic to others, it is in fact very detrimental to the individual.

It’s time for you to find your voice, set your boundaries and stop being a people pleaser. This is about being able to take control of your own life!

Jessica Minahan on Twitter: "We are familiar with the Fight, Flight, Freeze trauma  response in students, but some students may have developed the Fawn response  as a result of trauma.… https://t.co/Ggpm8sxy1X"
People Pleasing- pic from Ryan the holistic health Coach

Our trauma response is usually fight, flight or freeze but sometimes we have to fawn. Fawn means we develop a strategy to avoid conflict to stay safe. Very often, children have to fawn to survive. They become the good girl or boy….quiet and obedient. They have to put their parents needs first and that can have a very detrimental effect on their development. Children who had to people please as child grow up as a people pleaser. They have great difficulty in saying no and setting boundaries.

People pleaser tend to :

  • apologise excessively even when it is not their fault
  • over give in order to be liked
  • say yes when they want to say no
  • feel responsible for others emotions
  • don’t have their own opinions
  • have difficulty making decisions
  • suppress their own needs to make others happy
  • have poor boundaries
    • be a perfectionist
  • feel anxious and overwhelmed


Ways to stop people pleasing are:

  • Start saying no
  • not over commit
  • learn to say “I will get back to you”
  • set boundaries
  • be more assertive without being aggressive
  • know yourself and your goals
  • get rid of toxic people
  • stop over apologising
  • do your inner work
  • heal your inner child

Most likely people pleasing started as a child and it is very difficult to break the habit as an adult because this is what you know. By going to the root of the issue, it is possible to heal the childhood wounds that are keeping you stuck.

Get in touch for inner child healing session to free yourself from being a people pleaser.